He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is the high leading the old right now
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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