dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
