apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
