I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
