Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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