i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
