But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
