also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
