im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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