brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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