apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
honey bunches of taint.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
