i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
