Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
