pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
