From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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