We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
