found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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