so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
