Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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