No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
