I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
