What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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