The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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