so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
