there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
