We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
