just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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