I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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