I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
