i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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