Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
