my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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