i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
