The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
