So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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