Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
