You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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