I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
