I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
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