If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
