Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
