just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
