he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
