She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
