I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
