He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i believe in u and ur pee
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
