all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
