Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
