Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
