I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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