I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
