Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
